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Plural Etiquette Questionnaire

Frequently asked questions about how to talk to us!

What do you go by collectively?

Machina, as a surname, and we use plural they/them, like you would say for any other group of people.

How should people refer to you?

We prefer to be called by our first names on a friendly basis, and to be treated as individual people whenever possible. If you’re talking to Jude, remember that you’re talking to Jude, not Max or Gavin. If Gavin wrote an essay, cite Gavin Reed-Machina as the author, rather than Machina as a whole. If you don't remember who said something, you can say "one of the Machinas" did that!

If you're talking to us as friends, feel free to drop the surnames and say "Gavin wrote this," but if you're archiving or linking our work to a stranger, please write our full surnames. (They're hyphenated for a reason; there's no Jude Machina, but we know a Jude Rook-Machina.)

What terms do you prefer for referring to yourselves as individuals, or as a group? Is there any other terminology for yourselves or aspects of your experience that you use and want people to know, or that you dislike and want people to avoid when talking about you?

We call each other headmates most often, sometimes sysmates, and partners or boyfriends when we’re discussing our romantic relationships in-system. As a group, we like being called plural, multiple, people, and a system. (Max, in particular, is the core of a median subsystem with his raptorself Biscuit, and he’s a person while Biscuit is not – it’s more like a pet animal.)

We don’t want to be medicalized for being a system. We aren’t diagnosed with any dissociative disorder, and we don’t meet the criteria for impairment or distress to be labeled as such in the first place. We’re not alters, parts, or personalities, we’re individual people. We also don’t subscribe to any specific origin theory to our plurality, and don’t use the terms traumagenic or endogenic – they don’t help us. We don’t care why we’re plural, only that we live as plural.

(However, as a quick note: we are supportive of endogenic systems and have zero tolerance for harassment or fakeclaiming other systems. It’s best to operate under the assumption that people know what is happening in their own minds. If you disagree, we’ll simply block you and move on. We wouldn’t get along, and this stance is not up for debate.)

Who in your system are people most likely to interact with?

There's only three of us here regularly, so we'll just give a little list! You'll find far more detail on our about page, if you're interested.

Max Biscuit-Machina (he/they) – what if a human had a beast lurking inside them but it was just a weird toothy chicken that tries to bite their packages?
A wereanimal human-velociraptor person in a median system with their raptorself Biscuit (it/its), which is a moderately annoying tamed housebird. Check out their therian Tumblr blog if you want to hear more about that!

Jude Rook-Machina (they/them) – what if an android was a human with dog energy?
A transspecies-human android who's metaphorically a dog and literally a former murderbot.

Gavin Reed-Machina (he/him) – what if a human was just some guy?
A completely human guy, no added flavors, who's written a few essays on how humanity and nonhumanity can relate to one another.

Will people be interacting with any child members? How should they treat them? Is there anything they should know when interacting with them?

No, everyone in our system is an adult living in an adult body.

Are there any system members who are nonverbal or otherwise have difficulty communicating? What should others expect when speaking with them?

Jude is usually a chatterbox, but sometimes they lose speech when they’re extremely distressed, which includes being unable to talk out loud, type coherently over text, or communicate in-system for comfort from the rest of us.

[Click if you want to know how to help.]

If you’re someone they trust to help when they can’t speak, talking to them calmly is good for grounding. Hugging, petting, wrapping a blanket around them, and other forms of comforting touch are helpful if you can give them, in person or over text. Ask them if they’ve eaten or had water in the last few hours, and encourage them to do so if they say no in any way. Breathing exercises can help if they’ve calmed down enough from crisis that they can do so. If you’re talking and they start talking too, even if it’s in short sentence fragments, that’s a good sign. Tell them it’s not their fault if they apologize. Thank you for being there for them, it means a lot.

What should people do if they don't know who's at front?

Just ask! Sometimes we don’t know who’s fronting either, or we’re all fronting together, like when we’re really focused on an external task and it’s taking up all the thinking bandwidth, and we’ll say that or leave it to someone to talk if they want to.

Is it okay for people to ask if they can talk to someone who isn't at front at the moment?

It’s okay to ask. Sometimes they won’t be available, but they’ll usually be happy to talk!

If someone talks to one of you, will other system members be aware of the conversation? Will they be actively watching, or just able to remember it later?

Yes, they’ll be aware. All of us have the same memory backlog – even if they’re not there for the conversation, they’ll be able to remember it later. We don’t have control over this. You can’t have a private conversation with one of us and expect it to be hidden from the others.

Adding onto the above – if multiple system members will be aware of a conversation, will they want to chime in? If someone wants to speak to a system member one-on-one, what expectations can they have and how should they communicate this?

It depends! Sometimes the conversation goes in interesting ways and several of us have different opinions on a topic, sometimes it’s only relevant to the person who was talking in the first place. If you want to speak one-on-one with only one of us, say so up front – and remember you can’t hide that conversation from the rest of us, but we won’t interrupt unless there’s a reason to switch.

How out are you? What should people do when talking to people who don't know you're plural?

We’re not openly plural anywhere offline, or even in several spaces online, and would prefer to keep it that way for the foreseeable future. If you see we're in a space with you and using a name you're unfamiliar with, call us that and don't bring up our plurality. If you happen to know us offline, you can talk indirectly about knowing someone who’s plural without giving a name. Don’t share people’s private information without their permission.

Do you have any internal communication difficulties, memory issues, switch triggers, etc that others should be mindful of?

Sometimes one of us gets stuck in front for a while, usually when dealing with a massive amount of stress, and that causes difficulty talking with people in the back. It’s a temporary thing, and only really something that concerns other people if we’re bringing it up to get help.

Your stance on being asked questions?

Go ahead! We can’t promise definitive answers if you’re asking about the wider plural community, it’s very broad, but we’ll do our best. If you’re asking about personal opinions or experiences, we’re good with just about any questions so long as they’re respectful and asked in good faith.

Is there anything else others should know?

We aren’t an authority on anyone else's experiences, only our own – other systems will have completely different answers to this questionnaire! Don't apply our answers to other people.

And if you're questioning your own identity, and want to ask us if you can call yourself a label, our answer is always going to be some variation of this:

You know yourself better than we do. You don’t need to ask someone else to dictate your experiences for you. You’re the only one who can decide what words bring meaning into your life. If you’re still unsure, read about other people who use the words you’re worried about. If you can see yourself in those experiences, maybe try the word on. You’re always allowed to change your mind if anything changes, and you’re not betraying a community by questioning your identity. Take care of yourself.